everybody has trials. they may be minor to the point where you barely notice them, and they may consume your whole life. everybody has them, they are apart of being a human being. i don't think i've ever had a point in my life where i've only had small trials. when i was a very young child, i went through things that no child, let alone a grown adult, should ever have to go through. (i'm going to say it now, this is a background story that i'm telling so you get an idea when i get to my main point. i'm not looking for attention or sympathy, i've already moved on and forgiven the person that put me through this, so this isn't to single them out either. just some background. thats it.) it messed with my mental state so much, i had to block it out of my mind to be able to function properly. i had gone through other things as i got older that didn't help my mental state either. now, i'm almost 16, and i have a variety of different mental disorders. it makes life a lot more challenging. there are days where i feel like i can't control my own mind. i can't feel joy, i can't keep my thoughts straight or the way i want them to be, i can't function unless things are perfect, i can't do anything, even the simplist tasks like walking from one class to another, without shaking from nervousness. i also am very sick. when i was younger, i got every crazy sickness under the sun and was in the hospital very often. i did very well until i was diagnosed with mono 2 years ago. since then, i've been crazy sick. we've done every blood test under the sun to try to find out what it is. we still have no idea. recently, i've had a cold for almost a month straight and finally getting better. i have said for years now that all i want to do is "be healed". i want to wake up one day and be "normal" again. trials are called trials for a reason. i had an amazing seminary teacher that was always so supportive and kind, and always knew what to say. he came up to me one day and said "savannah, you were given this trial because you were strong enough to handle it." in that moment, i looked at trials in a completely different way. i didn't see them as things that tore me down and made me weak, i saw them as strengths and achievements. right now, i'm going through things that suck. but i was given these trials because i can handle them. i am strong enough to concer them. trials i had in the past, hey, i got through those! and i am so much stronger now because i went through them. and as much as i hate the things i went through and are currently going through, they are molding me into the person i'm supposed to be. they were my trials, and now they are my achievements. and the things i am going through, those will eventually be achievements as well. i will get better, slowly, day by day. i will live everyday with these trials until then.
i wanted to share this because i want it to help somebody as much as it is helped me. everybody has trials, some small, and some huge, like mine. remember, hold on for just a little bit longer, and stay strong. things will get better. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. but very very soon. keep your head up high 💜
-savannah
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